You sent in your dilemmas for our favourite Aussie housewife, Cherylyn Barnes, and she kept it real with the blunt kind of advice we’ve come to expect….

Dear Chez,
I’ve got a couple of guys on the scene right now. You know how it is. I’ve been sending dick pics and shit to them. It’s cute. But with so many guys on the go, it was only a matter of time before I sent a picture to the wrong person. I sent it to my new boss. Like we’re not close enough that we laugh it off just yet. I just know he got it and now when we talk there is a huge elephant in the room. That’s metaphorically and literally, you feel me?!
David, Manchester

hI David
when u 1rst say u hav “” a cuple of guys on the scene”” i new i was talken to a gay guy lmoa! UR boss is obvously a gay lord becase other wise u woud hav got fired by now. he obvously likes wat he saw but may be not shure if u did it by acident sort of thing. So evan if it was a acident u need to ask urslef… is the big boss man sum 1 wat u mite want to hav chop into u???? who nos xoxox the choice is urs sort of thing
ty for ur inbox
Cherylyn

Dear Auntie Chez,
My Russian boyfriend cheated, broke up with me and started dating someone else within twelve hours!!!!! What do I do??? Is it because I’m gay????? Only a witch bitch like urself can help…
Best wishes,
WhyAreRussiansCold

hI whyAreRushansCold
ok u hav 2 choices… u can walk away or u can be like my dum frenid elena who NEVER listens to the mountens of good advise wat i put in front off her.  shes greek but she actualy acts normel… BUT her boyfrenid tome is macabanian @ his ALLWAYS bossing her a round @ putting her down. It dose my tits in but she wont lissen.
just my opinon xxx
Chez

Dear Cherylyn,
Recently I’ve fallen in love; well I think I have. Sudden burst of excitement, midnight cuddles and timeless conversations have rendered me vulnerable. I can’t stop thinking about him. But…we live a life of secrecy. He’s straight. I’m gay. Fields full of social plight places us in two different cliques. He’s a rugby player. I’m a pianist. Night after night we meet.
Am I wasting my breath? Or will love suffice? Before a resolution; change must occur. But what if I’m not the one who needs to change? I guess some people’s life are great; if only there were a manual for the odd and abnormal. What are some of the obstacles you and Terry encountered?
Much love;
Devoted fan. Xx

hI devoted fan
ok wel u dident need to use so much big words its not a fuken pome lmoa but i wil try to anser as best as i can. no wonder my grilfrenids cant find a normel man….. all u gay guys are chasing them lmoa. but year. i guess if i cant manipulate him to be gay than ur not gona change his mind. @ if things keep happen the way they are how hapy will u be with that???? becase its not just him @ his bull shit lies but u all so hav to lie becase of him to. terry @ i had problems from day dot becase his silly family trys to keep him a way from me but i made the tuff choice @ made him pick… me or his family…..  @ guess who fuken won??? ((me)… so year…. take sum risks. i got wat i want. make him choose…. or walk a way.. dnt be a fukwit who throws yrs of ur life a way for sum gronk who dose not evan no who he is
xoxoxox luv u
Chez